I wrote this last night and fell asleep before I posted it, whoops 🙈….. anyway I am sure you will forgive me.
As I lay here in bed on this cold Sunday night I wish to share with you my little experience of renewed hope. I have my fingers crossed for you that after reading this you can reflect on a situation that may not be ideal in your life, and realise you are gaining ground, just slower than you first planned.
On the eve of a new week one can easily feel overwhelmed and stressed out. All the expectations and priorities for the week can whizz around in your head and you can feel total burnout, not a good start to the week. In the past I felt like life was a never ending sleepy haze that had no purpose and was utterly exhausting. For this reason I struggled, really struggled to put on my happy face for Simon and the kids. Let’s not exaggerate the truth here, my happy face was not ecstatically happy, it was just a pleasant smile plastered on my face in between torrential downpours of tears (or as those who have experienced depression also know, sometimes the tears won’t come anymore and you don’t feel the ups and downs just a constant nothingness). I was trying to hide from them, and the world, how I didn’t enjoy this game called life anymore and wanted out.
Okay……. you’re wondering where the positivity comes in. Here it is. Over the past 6 months this negative fog has lifted. I am now happy to say that most of the time I feel like I have a purpose and am needed here on earth. But the best bit……. I just wrote a list! A great list of what I want to achieve tomorrow and I am excited! I’m talking over the moon, rainbows and unicorns, full of optimism and purpose for the future…. EXCITED!
My wonderful list:
- ring up and organise booking for trip later in the year with friends
- clean up dinning room
- lots of washing
- garden planning
- rose pruning
As you can see this ‘wonderful’ list is really pretty simple and nothing mind blowing. But, the mind blowing part is that these things mean so much to me now. I have slowed down my mind to enjoy the little things. Standing in the sunshine soaking it all up while I hang the clothes, enjoying the growth and potential of the garden and realising how lucky I am to have friends that are more like sisters. This is in stark contrast to when my mind was in overdrive and the mere thought of getting out of bed was enough to ruin my day.
My take away for all of us this week is that little by little we can get closer to our goals. Sit back and take the time to appreciate how far you have come and what you need to do to get were you are going. Sometime we need to take stock and realise we may not be following the right path any more and need to try another approach. There is no failure in changing direction. It is too easy (unfortunately) to fall into the trap of constantly reaching and striving that we never feel like we have achieved enough. We don’t seem to sit back and enjoy the progress we are making along the way. But, when we stop and reflect we realise, even though the goal posts in life keep shifting further and further away, we are doing ok.
You know what? Who cares if it takes you a bit longer than others to achieve your goals. In the end we are running our own race, and we don’t need to prove anything. So it doesn’t matter if your goal for tomorrow is to just get up and face the day, or if you are going to run a marathon, they can both be equally challenging to different people. Or even equally as rewarding to the same person at different times in their life.
Much Love and Peace,